One Hundred And Eighty Two And A Half Days

Today marks 182 (and a half) days since I stopped drinking alcohol. Half a year. A lot of people have asked me why and how I gave it up, so I thought I would commemorate today with a post all about it.

I think you either get it or you don't... for those that like the odd glass of wine, or drink only on special occasions, you're not going to get it...

But I really liked drinking. Like, really. A lot.

I probably started to drink alcohol when I was 15 or 16, and it's a huge part of the social scene in England. We don't grab coffee - we go to the pub. Everyone I knew drank, and only weirdos or people with allergies didn't :)

And let's not forget the social acceptance of imbibing a mind altering drug on the regular, the jokes about how it's the only way to cope with motherhood, or the inference that it loosens you up in bed. "It's cool to drink!" is everywhere. And for the most part, people are okay with that.

For me to stop, seriously, I would have thought I'd have to have some kind of serious liver complaint, and even then I would do it reluctantly...

The day I gave up, I was on an aeroplane to Israel. I always drink on a plane, but as we left West Palm Beach, I was toying with the idea of perhaps not drinking during the trip, at all. It seemed to be a bit incongruent, for me to drink in such a deeply spiritual place.

The night before I'd had a little too much to drink, and I was sad and picked a fight with Roddy. I hurled something at him, a piece of information I had never told him sober. Something important. Something we should have talked about.

As I sat on the plane, I thought about how unhealthy this was. How I hid with alcohol. How I ran away from things with the help of alcohol. How alcohol gave me a false confidence, and how I really didn't feel too confident deep down.

I had bought This Naked Mind by Annie Grace to read on the long journey (it's about trying an alcohol free life), but by the time we landed in NYC, I had finished the book and I had decided. No drinking in Israel.

The trip to Israel... what can I say? It was mind-blowing. Life changing. I'm sure any trip to Israel is a good one, but with John Maxwell and some of his closest inner circle it was simply magical. So special. 

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Pastor Chris Hodges lead a communion service on the 4 cups... basically how in the traditional Jewish passover, 4 cups were used and each had it's own meaning  (I wont explain the whole concept here, you can read his book  or watch a sermon on the same subject here if you want). And as he was speaking, he was explaining how each cup can be significant at different times in our lives and he mentioned how cup 2 denoted "I will free you". It's a promise of God's deliverance when we are trapped in our own lives.

I started to cry as I knew that alcohol was stealing something from my life, something major. I knew in my heart that I had to give it up. Not just for this trip. To do the "impossible", the impossible for me anyway... give it up completely for a year. So I was no longer trapped by it. And boy, was I feeling trapped by it.

There's something about making decisions that are so right. It's funny but I found doing the right thing for you shouldn't feel hard, you shouldn't feel so much resistance. There's not so much of the grappling and back-and-forthing. I felt free. It felt easy... and it still feels easy.

Roddy recently shared a story about how he got this vision when he was praying, that his hands are tightly clamped over his eyes, so tight his knuckles are white. And he's asking "help me! help me see this thing that I need to see! I need to see!" and the realization comes that "doh!" he just has to drop HIS OWN HANDS to see the truth. It's right there, right in front of his eyes. He just has to take action. And it's really not that hard. It's just scary to be in the dark.

That blows my mind. 

I think there's been many, many nudges over the years. Moments where I've put my foot in it, moments where I've said too much, moments where I've felt really unwell, moments where I feel the toll of it on my mind, on my body.... and I just ignored it. I ran more, or ate less - but whatever you do: don't take away my booze!

So here were are, half a year later... I'm 16+ pounds lighter, I started seeing a therapist to work through some hard stuff, and life is better - all round.

I just want to encourage you whatever you have in your life that you're asking deliverance from, maybe... just maybe, the answer is simple. Maybe you just need to take the hands off your eyes and see what is right there in front of you.

And I want you to know, seriously, if you're walking something and this just resonates with you - I'm with you. I'm cheering you on. You can do it.

You deserve that freedom. We all do.