No respite from life
Jan 06, 2024We finished our Facebook live this morning, switched off Zoom, and we both just kind of sat there quietly for a second.
Amelie got readmitted to the hospital on Thursday, so there was another night of no sleep at the ER (deja vu after last week!) and then juggling the kids between us both yesterday. Roddy gave me a pass and said he’d do the show solo, but I felt like I wanted to do it. A break from all the madness 
There’s no respite from real life is there? The idea of going back to the hospital, or return home to Eliza and the boys just seemed absolutely beyond my capabilities.
Doing the show this morning was like a different existence where things are shiny and straightforward. I’m not a believer in fake it til you make it, but this morning was a masterclass in it 
a cold shower, tons of makeup and the weird effect of adrenaline - means that everything looks so perfect on screen. Well, you know, about as perfect as I can manage 
a cold shower, tons of makeup and the weird effect of adrenaline - means that everything looks so perfect on screen. Well, you know, about as perfect as I can manage I keep waiting for life to not feel so hard, but maybe life is waiting for me to not get overwhelmed so easily. Or build resilience… I don’t know.
I despise (yes despise ) that quote - don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better or however that one goes 
because if you struggle in that respect, you ALREADY think you’re defective in some way for not being able to cope with it like “everyone else” seems to be able to…
) that quote - don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better or however that one goes because if you struggle in that respect, you ALREADY think you’re defective in some way for not being able to cope with it like “everyone else” seems to be able to…The lesson today was about keeping it simple, so maybe life forces us into simplicity sometimes? There’s a lot of noise and distraction these days. Worries (real life, grown up worries for sure) that sort of fade into insignificance. And things that are important - our work and community - you see they matter only in relation to the bigger stuff (family). It always makes me laugh that literally the things that consumed me yesterday are forgotten today!
Just sooooo much still to learn in this life. I’m never going to get the hang of it, I’m sure. I’m not sure we’re meant to. Anytime I start to feel settled (and inevitably smug) when all is going well, life throws a curveball and everything feels muddled again. But it’s the only way I grow. I do know that.
Happy new year y’all!
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