Enough Of The Stuff Already

I'm sitting in bed, taking a breather and just feeling overwhelmed with all the "stuff". Do you know what I mean by "stuff"?

When I got here I was really wrapped up in my own "stuff" - it's the first time at an IMC where I questioned whether I should be here. We just moved, the kids have just started school and are still wobbly... haven't even FOUND a school for Eliza yet... but when all's said and done, I HAD to be here, for me, for Roddy. Then feeling guilty about being selfish and putting my needs before my family...

And then... boom: you connect with people here, and you see some lost souls, some broken spirited, some going through the types of trials and tribulations that make you gulp, but they hug you and ask you how YOU are doing.

I meet my friend, who's husband not much older than mine is suffering from early onset dementia and she is smiling...

I have coffee with a broken hearted friend trying to make sense of her relationship and hurting because of it and she is warm and loving and attentive to me

I hug someone who's baby was never born

I try and wrap my head around the girl attending this event completely deaf and being a ray of light to everyone she meets

I exchange texts with a mom not here because her daughter is seriously unwell and I know she is out of her mind with worry

I get a message from someone who apologises for not being at the event who is saying goodbye to his beautiful wife way too soon - the mother of his 3 kids.

I'm so 'feel-ie'... it's my strength and my weakness... when I got back to the room I felt like being sick and crying at the same time. Sometimes all the hurt and pain in the world is so overwhelming just to observe, imagine what it's like to be in the midst of it? There's so much "stuff" to process.

I only hope that if I was to face the same challenges and heartbreak, I can face them with the same grace, dignity, and joy (joy! I mean, it blows my mind...)

I have much to learn from other people's "stuff". And my "stuff" isn't as bad as I had convinced myself.

It's kinda like God is saying to me (really nicely, but really firmly) ...enough now Susan. Stop. Stop complaining, stop thinking about yourself. Stop second guessing decisions you made. Stop. Look around you and learn. You have so much to learn you silly girl (said lovingly 😊). Just stop, and look around you and you'll learn everything you need to know to grow.

Sad and grateful for the pause. I needed it.