All Hail The New In-Authentics

I'm gonna slip this 'lil blog under the wire and not make a big hoo-hah out of it... I haven't written in FOREVER (insert lots of eye rolling emojis here)

It's been a rough season, since Eliza's surgery in September 2018 really.

I'm finding it hard to get back into ANYTHING... so here's a place I can start...

Some time soon, I'll share all my thoughts on major surgery with my special needs child etc etc but for now... all I want to address is the wave of puke inducing "authenticity' I see all over social media these days.

I get it. Finally (finally!) everyone realizes that telling stories and connecting in a real way played right is actually a pathway to financial success and now it's being done and over-done all over the place.

Part of the reason I stopped writing is sometimes you can be TOO REAL. People love to hear your struggles, but they don't necessarily want to wade in the poop with you for too long ("ok now, we're done moping! Let's all be happy now!!") Sometimes my low seasons last so long, even I can't bear to hear myself "share" about it any longer.

Like, "c'mon Susan... pull yourself up by the bootstraps and start being a grown up"!!

I read a post by someone I admire very much and he said "you know, people always praise me for sharing the good, bad and ugly of my journey... the thing is: I NEVER share it until I've overcome... once I've found my way out, I'll share... to encourage you that you can do the same".

That's lovely, it really is.

It's SO not me.

I want so badly to share when I am knee-deep in the thick of it. Typing it all out is a kind of therapy... it also lessens the drama somewhat.

But I get all caught up thinking, 'is this ALL ABOUT ME? Am I pretending to write to share my journey, when all I really want is praise or validation or attention?"

It took me almost 40 years to realize I wasn't the only one with mental health issues, struggling with motherhood, exhausted from juggling home and a career, or generally feeling super overwhelmed. I wasn't the only heartbroken daughter estranged from her parents and family. I wasn't the only bewildered special needs mom who hadn't a clue what she was doing. So sharing my lil stories turned out to connect me with people on a real level, which I really loved.

The way I see it, there's genuine sharing, when you share your story and if it impacts just one person you have done a great thing.

And there's the other types of sharing... :/ 

There seems to be 3 types of sharing that particularly get up my nose:

The "oh I'm so real/(but I'm actually perfect)" type

Just stop it. Stop it already. The photos that have been curated with military precision showing me what 'real moms' look like? The sharing of your flaws - which really is a huge "let's big ME up" - so strategic, so planned. It makes my tired, worn-out momma heart ache. 

The "I desperately want to be authentic, but have no idea how to be" type

This is probably the least irritating in terms of intention, but most irritating in terms of execution. Open ended sentences about "going through a rough period" but not articulating exactly what you're struggling with doesn't connect with me... sharing a wide open Facebook post about your struggles as a mother but not sharing how you messed up just leaves me feeling more lousy, not less.

The "come watch my sh*tshow" type

You share EVERYTHING. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion and not being able to do anything about it, It's cringe-worthy. Honestly, no one cares. It's the social media version of reality TV... it's horrible and it has to stop. It serves literally NO ONE but YOU.

I'm not saying I'm perfect.

Oh no.

I know when what I share is self-serving.

And when I am cloying for 'likes', 'hearts' and comments. Because I need the validation.

I had to stop writing here because I wasn't sure of my intention.

What I've decided is, I'm okay with wanting to make people laugh. I do like to be the funny one :) My inner nine year old is happiest hitting a funny bone in one way or another.

And I'm really ok with sharing parts of my life others might shy away from. I'd love to say I don't care what you think, but I do.... It's more that I love to read anything when I see myself in it. It makes me feel less alone.

And lastly, if what I'm sharing is more about YOU and less about ME, that's a good thing.

That's the most important part I think.

Let's face it, we can all write about our lives. We can all share our ups and our downs. But if we make it all about us, we are truly limiting ourselves. I am going to keep asking the hard questions and I'm going to keep sharing my seemingly daily confusion about life. LOL.