A Recommitment

I am sitting here, watching the clock... waiting. I'm supposed to be building out a new opt-in for Roddy's site... but I'm here instead. Writing. 

Babe is having a nose job today, can you believe it? LOL No, he hasn't gone all Boca on me... it's the second time he's having an op (after many broken noses he now can't breathe through his nose at all, so it's a last attempt at pure nasal freedom!) and this time they are rebuilding the nose completely with his rib and ear cartilage. I'm sitting here, very tense, with my nostrils flared just typing that as I know that is gonna hurt real bad. 

Of course when your hubby is put under, and having a pretty big op you get those ol' rose-tinted glasses out and start mentally gushing about how great he is... Just kidding, though I did take some major time out for reflection and thanks yesterday for the gift that is Roddy Galbraith.

And before you reach for a bucket, I'm serious guys. He just wasn't this person when I first met him. There's many wonderful qualities I could share with you about him (his unending original versions of songs he makes up so they include my name, the fact he whistles like Dick Van Dyke... loudly... just to annoy us and finds it so funny, or that he really does selfies at every opportunity - good or bad - to catch moments...) but for today I was really thinking about how much effort he puts into everything he's "good at".

Not least of all, his spiritual journey. He has been meticulous. He has been consistent. And he has been relentless in his search for growth and insight.

I've never seen anything like it!

But now I'm seeing the FRUITS of it. And the things I scoffed at, and the things I rolled my eyes at are paying off huge dividends now. 

As I was driving Amelie into school today, we were talking about Daddy and I shared this thought with her. I told her "when I was pregnant with you, Daddy had this tape with this man with a strange voice who said over and over again  <<insert my impression here>> "Let gooooo, and let God, let gooooo and let God, let gooooo and let God..." On and on... it drove me nuts. It played all night. It didn't enter my subconscious because my subconscious was lying there, tight-lipped with its arms folded refusing to listen. LOL.

He really set out on a quest, about 15 years ago... and he has never stopped. He's never stopped learning. He's never stopped listening. He's always been open. And he's always been eager to learn. He took it on like his life depended on it, because I guess in a way he knew it did. 

And it's changed him. I talk to people about Roddy and sometimes it's embarrassing because I just RATE HIM so much as person. His ego is in check (very unusual) yet he has very healthy self esteem. He's level and unemotional and yet full of love and compassion. He is just and fair. He doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't notice slights and negative energy because he's rewired himself not to see them anymore. He's letting go of attachments, and becoming more present. I say it all the time, he is best man I have ever met. He is just a good, good man. 

And this is all through a consistent, spiritual practice. Of that I'm sure. Your heart doesn't change like that for nothing. His marrow and bones are altered. His soul is singing a different tune these days. And I'm not talking church or religion - I am talking the hard work of looking at oneself and sitting with "how can I be better today?" and the next day "how can I be better today than I was yesterday?" and on, and on. And on and on...

When I look at myself and my own progress, I try not to compare. I look at him and see RESULTS! RESULTS! RESULTS! And that's not a side note to slight myself or my journey - it's just when you see how someone gets from this to that - it's impressive.

I prayed last night, a different sort of prayer than I usually pray... and most of my talking to God starts with "I'm soooooo sorry I haven't talked to you in so long..." and I thought about what a commitment to God looks like, and how often we aren't really committed at all. Because it's not showing up in our every day life. 

I had such an interesting conversation with Sommer the other day - she helps with the kids a few days after school - and we were talking about Christianity and how people find God. And how many Christians, or so-called Christians, are just nit-picking about what everyone else is doing wrong - bringing judgement down on those that don't love God like they do... or pray like they do.... or love like they do.... or vote like do.... For me, this is the ultimate "missing the mark" and drives people away from God. 

I remember a few years back, there was a spate of social media posts about how using an alternative term for God was the WORST. How could you call God 'spirit'? How could you call Him 'grand-overall-designer'? Call God, God! HEATHENS!!!! And I shared with Sommer how this made my heart so sad. For me, someone who was brought up in very strict religious household, who was ex-communicated and then thought there was no God at all... do you know what a big step it was, what a huge tentative SCARY step it was to even CONSIDER the idea that God might be real again? Do you know referring to Him as the universe, or spirit - rather than trying to deny what IS... is often the pathway to seeing MORE?

I could go on and on... and this isn't about theological arguments at all - so please don't come at me. LOL. I just believe God made it this way. It ALL starts with you. If you truly want to be transformed, you have to put the hard work in. 

God could have easily made a path, step-by-step, that no one would have to try and discern - that would need no thought or reflection. But he didn't make it that way, your "straight path" doesn't look like mine.

My spiritual journey has taken so many twists and turns I'm pretty sure yours looks nothing like mine! I have loved what I thought was God, I have hated God, I have cursed God, and blamed God. I've been in very dark places spiritually. 

Sommer said she's always been a church-goer and that her path has been....lighter, I guess (my words) 

And that's OK. Neither of us have "arrived". Nor has Roddy.

But it's just about walking the path, and allowing it...fully. Letting goooooo :) and letting God... in order to experience Him more fully in every moment.

I feel so grateful to be able to observe this metamorphosis in my most favorite person in the whole world. And I felt this real push to recommit to that journey and be much more intentional about it. Like Roddy is, every dang day

PS. God bless that nose!